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Sunday, 9 September 2018

Do you know I wrote a poem if that's what you want to call it, I don't know when I wrote it but I stumbled across it, guess I was in a bad place then, so im gonna put it on here. Hopefully won't depress anyone here goes...

My tears are so loud I hope he doesn't hear, I know he doesn't care so him hearing is my fear, I feel so alone a burden to myself if I hate myself that bad I know death is my fate, I wish I felt loved, I wish I felt safe I know he won't harm me   but not listening is just as bad, I wish that I could end this, I've never felt so sad. I wake in the morning wishing I didn't, knowing at work nothing will be different, I sit in my chair dreading the day, pull my knife across my wrist but only a scratch, I don't have the guts, I love the Lord Jesus, which stops me again, to kill myself is an unforgivable sin. So what do you do when you can't carry on, the smile on your face is a cover not fun, they know that you hurt but not how deep it goes, they wouldn't understand, they don't wear your clothes. .

Don't think I can make a living writing, here lately I feel myself going back to that dark place, and don't know how to get out, they talk about kids being bullied at school and the harm it does, and it's true because I got my share of it, but you never think as an adult you will be bullied, and im not talking about just at home, the workplace is just as bad, and when you speak your mind it's not smiled upon, my daughter told me once about gas lighting, I looked it up and I have a few people in the workplace that do this, every morning I wake up in a bad mood, then I get mad because i'm in a bad mood so I punch something then I cry because I don't understand why I feel this way, but I can't cry cause i'm an ugly crier and don't want my husband to know, because he has no compassion, and on that, i'm starting to hate marriage, people used to say I wish my husband did laundry or cooked or cleaned and I figured yeah I guess I can deal with him being a cranky jerk half the time because he does a lot, but now it seems the only time he gets off the couch is to go to work or sleep. I'm becoming resentful, and that makes me mad then sad and here we go again, I guess for me this is life and I best suck it up.

Wednesday, 5 September 2018

Stress Depression And Defamation Of Character

Does anyone know what it's like to be humiliated at work in front of your Coworkers and Boss by another Coworker, a man at that, standing in the road yelling at you about something that you didn't do, at least the worker with me stood by me and said I didn't do anything, my Boss said nothing just laughed, the other witness on what really happened stood by me to but the kicker is, the yelling man said he believed the truth because the other 2 said it didn't happen he didn't believe me so im glad they were there, later that day I was at work with the yelling man and his friend and they wouldnt look or speak to me, I sat in my car and cried, this kind of thing has been going on for years, couple weeks ago I asked for my news paper back and got yelled out, and then a week after that I got told on for parking next to a coworker who didn't want me parking next to him, anyone else could, just not me, I've been taking the blame for everything that goes on up there and Im sick of it, if anyone actually reads this what would you do?

Tuesday, 4 September 2018

Im so sick of working my ass off at work and treated like crap, I
m sick of new people thinking they run that place and know everything, they lie when hired and actually can't do anything they say, now I find out im being run down behind my back, everything I'm told no to they are told yes, Karma my friends is a Bitch.

Monday, 27 August 2018

Favoritism in the workplace

We all know about it, but usually people try to hide it, not at my job, I've been here 7.5 yrs, the new people, 4 months, I ask can I come in early and work for an hour of comp time to make up for physical therapy because I was hurt on the job and I don't get paid for doctors or physical therapy, well no Kim you can't cause well you just can't, person working for 4 months, can I come in and work 15 minutes early and get an hour comp so I can miss work to take my kid to her appointments, well of course you can, me asking can me and my coworker get help because a two man crew is klling us, and the heat is making us sick and we are the only ones without AC, sure, ok new person go help them, new person, do I have to, it's too hard and hot and I'd rather stand around in the office and talk all day, of course, I didn't realize how hard it's been on you, we are gonna take it easy on you because you served your country for 4 yrs, half ass, oh well im sorry I chose to serve God from the time I was taught who God was, so for all you people who do all us God fearing people the way you do, may he have mercy on you.

Friday, 24 August 2018

If you can't beat them, should you get on your knees and join them

Ok so i'm trying my best to stay positive at work, this morning I took my styrofoam cup and tore it into little pieces lined then up counted them then threw them away to keep from losing my cool, all I hear about is the budget, too much overtime not getting stuff done, I want to beat my head into a wall only because I can't beat anyone else's, i'm not the smartest person in this stupid town but good lord people open your damn eyes, you let lazy people ride the clock you work the few hard workers to death, you lie constantly to the big bosses and you threaten our jobs if we even consider talking to the main man, it's ridiculous, for once let the man talk to us 1 on 1, he would learn so much, so many people stop and ask me if there are only 2 of us working there, we aren't allowed to say anything so I just give a fake smile, and cry they can't tell cause the tears combine with the sweat pouring down my face, it's tough watching your coworkers riding around in their air conditioned trucks watching you sweat with nose bleeds from the heat, and why stop since your the only one that doesn't have AC in your truck, five people are doing one job to get it done fast, but when I have to do that exact same job because someones on vacation, I ask for help and im told no because i'm a badass, WTF, no im just not a lazy fatass,

Wednesday, 15 August 2018

Waiting For A Drive By

Im so tired, at the end of the day as I was waiting to go home, all I could think was I hope im in line if a drive by happens, I don't hate my job I hate the way it's ran, favoritism, racism, sexist, they don't teach they are too lazy for that, instead it's just easier to work the crap out of the people who know the job, we all had to learn, open your eyes bosses people are fixing to walk out then you can have your lazy employees. SMH.

Saturday, 28 July 2018

Well been a little bit since I wrote anything, yeah yeah I know you've missed me, I can't wait till Monday I love my job, my coworker's my boss, that's called positive affirmations and it's complete bullshit.

Wednesday, 18 July 2018

Im to smart to be the boss.

Work the most frustrating word ever, have you ever gone to work to suddenly feel like everyone in higher positions are so stupid, i'm looking around wondering, what is it yall aren't seeing, everything is falling apart and yall can't see it, you are scared to death to tell people work or go home, you treat the people that work like shit, we have a new head dude that I though maybe this person might at least respect me as a person but seems to me he's like all the others before him that falls for   or has opened my file and believes the lies, it's so frustrating I actually like this guy and won't judge him by what I've read, but i'm sorry the leaks the potholes, when does it stop, let's all concentrate on the grass wtf, why don't the head guy start asking questions if he wants this place ran right, the people he trust here are talking awful about him, I wish he would ask me some questions or maybe he doesn't want the truth, everyone says we need to hire more people no we don't we just need to work the ones we have, we get in trouble for leaving a truck running for 5 minutes, but nobody says anything to the people taking  their kids to school or work ina company vehicle, I don't get it, but this bullshit favoritism is pushing me off Democrats

Thursday, 12 July 2018

I try to keep most my blogs upbeat, sometimes though you have to be serious and honest, there are times when you wish someone cared now I don't mean family they love you in most cases, unlike my kids, but I mean people who you are there for but they show who they are when you need a friend, I can tell you my life for the most part sucks, I have fought for over seven years to do a good job at work to try to be upbeat even though everyone is trying to figure out how to get rid of me, I sit in my car almost every day before going home and cry because I can't vent there either, I look at my wrist and think how easy it would be, but I believe in God and don't want to go to hell, people say karma, I say bullshit, bad people get treated like gold good people get crapped on,I don't have friends though I will be their friends if they need me, I can say anything on Facebook and can't get a comment or a like because if you work around me, it might make you look bad to associate with me, screw that, u either like me or don't, just don't be fake, anyway needed to vent.

Monday, 9 July 2018

Today was a good day..

Today started my first day of stop being a dumbass day, took me over seven years to realize that believe it or not, doesn't matter how much you do or how little you do,you will still never be worth a crap, so stop being a dumbass and stop killing yourself because nobody appreciates it, if you do a crappy job you get cookies.

Saturday, 7 July 2018

Between Hell and Hell

Ok so if work is hell and home is Hell then where the hell is purgatory, is my work life making home life suck or is home life making work life suck, doesn't take anything to piss a man off, some are self centered narcissistic assholes, and right now I am married to the biggest. To leave or not to leave that is the question.

Thursday, 5 July 2018

All Good Till Someone Loses It In The Panty Isle

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Another day at my job called HELL

That would be me looking at my boss, when he ask me to weedeat what feels like 5 miles of snake infested jungle in 125 degree temperatures, in actuality probably .5 miles of flatlands in 98 degrees, Wtf, all I can do is fall to my knees (minds out of the gutter please) roll over on my back and kick like a cockroach dying, he just says, when your done throwing a fit don't forget the string,